In the studio.
This happens in different times of all of our lives. It seems to come in waves. How to disconnect from your family and find your own identity as a young person. Then how to find your family again when you have your own family and figuring out how to either connect or not connect and to what degree – none of which are ever comfortable, it seems. For me, right now, my quest is to gather meaning from my life and how to leave something in my wake that contributes to this world. And I don’t only mean contributes, but REALLY contributes, in the most profound and positive and insightful way that I can.
So to muddle through the obstacles – psychological, physical, monetary – I have again come back to my family. Patterns of behavior and how they impede or encourage this journey, this desire to sculpt my voice into one that resonates for others will be informed by the drama of my family. How much it is manipulated by that drama is something I am trying to minimize by exploring the mechanics of my families behavior.
So, here today, I am beginning some work about my aunts. My maternal family. My mother is from a family of 16 children – 10 sisters, 6 brothers. Of these 10 sisters, 7 are still alive. All 6 brothers are still alive. I am working on paintings, because that is what I do. But in a parallel project, my cousin, Robert and I have begun to collect footage of the Barbaro family. We are not yet sure how it will all become what it needs to become – documentary, private footage, reality show, all of which we have tossed about – but we are merely at this point beginning to decontruct the Barbaro sisters and their pathology. So these two projects will unfold side by side and probably at different speeds. They will inform each other. They have to.
So today I begin my paintings,
The 6 smaller canvases, 30 x 34″, will be 6 different important images from my mothers and her sisters lives. Objects that they value and are the most important things in their lives. Thinking about the storyline today….
WOODEN SPOON, WEDDING RING (only on a hand – my daughter wears my moms wedding ring on her hand. I texted ripley at college to send photos of my mother’s wedding ring, which is incredibly beautiful, for me to work from) , SPLIT RANCH (or some such nice house), KITCHEN (stove or another appliance) , MEATBALLS, GRANDMA, TROPHY CHILDREN? ATLANTIC CITY? SLOT MACHINE? BOX OF RONZONI?
ring shapes , houses , kitchen utensils , wooden spoons , etc….
10:23 am. Thursday, October 16 2014